hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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