i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
