Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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