the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
