i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
