...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
