just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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