just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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