your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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