Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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