I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
