The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
