wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
