You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
