We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
MIDGETS
????
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
