In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
