It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you have feelings for this penis?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
