I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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