how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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