fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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