just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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