he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
