Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
