when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
