we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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