the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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