Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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