Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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