I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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