She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Im part way to drunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
