apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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