how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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