Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
