Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
