So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
