that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
