I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
