hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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