he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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