Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Randomize
