But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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