I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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