I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
