1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
