I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
