My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What a dumb baby whore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm too high and old for this...
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