Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it because I queefed?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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