you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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