told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
