y did u give ur computer a hand job?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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