Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
