Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
