So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
