Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
