I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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