Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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