I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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