Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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