life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
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My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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