Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
