Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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