Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
