My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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