I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The best revenge is premature balding
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
