Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
