Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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