you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
