guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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