That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
