My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
