where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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