I hate your face
so that wasnt chicken after all
it hurts more in the daytime
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will be naked everywhere
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
