i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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